We all arrived safely into Bangkok, Thailand a few days ago to find ourselves enveloped in a mass of humidity as soon as we stepped out of the airport. But it is nice to be back in the Asian cultures that I am more familiar and love. We have stayed at the YWAM Thailand base and will be working with their various ministries this month. Or I suppose I should say, they will be working with the various ministries this next month. I am coming home.

           There are various reasons for me coming home, but ultimately it comes down to God wanting me there for this time period. The support I raised has actually ran out and so while AIM is paying for my plane ticket home out of their own pocket, it would be amazing if there are some out there who have wanted to support but have not who would like to help reimburse the cost of getting home. I am very excited to be going home to see my family and friends because it is hard being away from everybody for so long. But at the same time I am very sad to be leaving the family I have known for the last seven months. Can you imagine living ALL day, every day with the same five people and then being separated. I am sure that I will be going through some ZEO withdraws, so I am sorry girls and I love you amazing women of God. But you all know where I am at in my journeys and why God has called me to do this now. Keep making the difference that you have made and remember that I am your biggest fan (apart from God of course).

             So it is with sorrow and also with joy that I must part with the World Racers at this point. I am sure that I will see everybody again, but am not sure when. Love you all and will miss you immensely. God bless and renew each and every one of you.

              Here is my top ten from Africa. Not exactly what I expected, some better some worse, but overall a great experience. We will be leaving on the 1st of August for Bangkok, Thailand but before we leave I wanted to give you this infamous top ten. Hope you like it.

10) Wrestling with God more than I have ever done before

9) Sunrises and sunsets were gorgeous and red (didnt see too many sunrises, hehe)

8) Biltong (jerky made from beef, springbok, ostrich,etc)

7) Playing Balderdash with the Siplings and the Afrikaans speakers (Lake Tu hooie!)

6) Will, the Siplings, Zacharias, Lino (friends I will cherish)

5) Bungee jumping off the highest bungee jump in the world (on off day)

4) Braai (South African barbeque- they do it right!)

3) Alabanza where it is so peaceful and fun

2) White water rafting on the Zambezi River

1) Meeting and sharing with people who see their sonship and daughtership as less of a performance and more of a relationship

                We made it to Windhoek, Namibia! Sarah, Leah and myself have found ourselves here in Windhoek since Monday morning, trying to get things situated for further travel to Livingstone in Zambia. While here, we have been staying in the hostels where, needless to say, we have met some strange and interesting people. Our problems though have not abated as when we were about to buy our bus tickets we found out that we needed to pay $100 US for a visa into Zambia. Problem. So we tried to find another way to Zimbabwe (which seems to be our final destination as I have some contacts there ) without going through Zambia. At the last moment we found that if we stay with a certain hostel in Livingstone we can get our visa fee waived. So we quickly sent out our email and prayed for the best. They got back to us and said it would be fine so we purchased our tickets on the bus yesterday. It leaves today. And there were four seats left. We needed three.

           But also, when we tried to change our money from South African Rand into American dollars we found out that we cannot if we did not pull it out here and have the receipts to prove it. AAARRGGGHHHH! That coupled with the fact that DHL somehow lost our new bank card sent here to South Africa has made this a very trying month. We pray that God will help us get the new bank card quickly and also that we can change the Rand in Zambia without losing too much of it. Quite a week huh?

         On the positive side, we were able to speak to some people that we met. The girls talked with a family who were very down on their luck with a small baby boy. We got the boy some diapers and then some food and were able to pray with them. Also,  spoke with one of the craft sellers for a long period of time. I talked to him for about forty-five minutes about life and religion and art. It was great! Maybe he was the reason we are here in Windhoek. Praise God for the small things.

       This is also kind of off topic but goes along with my previous blog. Maybe the difference between the person you are and the person you want to be is simply one step. Make the move and be the person that God created you to be. Otherwise you will always be waiting to be the person you want to be, instead of being that person. Just a thought.

                We set off tomorrow. Leah and Sarah and myself. We were supposed to go last Tuesday, but some of the people that had prayed were uneasy and we wondered if maybe the timing was off. Leah, Sarah and I still felt like we were supposed to go, but others felt like we weren't at that time. So we pushed it back until tomorrow. But in the meantime, God has spoke volumes to me about myself and how He sees me. Recently, I have been wondering why I do what I have been doing. Why am I here? What is missions and does it work? And if it doesn't work then why not?

             The other day, Sarah, Leah and I set off to go picking up garbage on the beach here in Gordon's Bay. Call it being too antsy or just wanting to do something productive, but we set out and filled up three large trash bags that afternoon. It seemed like we made little difference as we could not get all or even most of the trash that day. But then I began to think of the difference between me and someone who would say it wasn't worth it. The difference is that they lack hope. Do I hope that someday that beach would be really clean? Sure, but more than that, the day was about regaining hope. Hope in humanity and hope in God's providential care of us.

        I remember a story I am sure we have all heard about a boy who was running up and down the beach grabbing starfishes off the shore and flinging them back into the water. An older gentleman watched for a while and then went up to the boy.

"You won't be able to save them all," he said matter or factly to the child, "It doesn't matter."

The boy studied him for a moment and then continued his work as he said back over his shoulder to the man, "It mattered to that one."

            Funny thing is, that I have been both characters. I have done these things that God has appointed for me to do and at other times in my life, I have been the critic to those around me. But the true of the matter is this:

YOU MATTER TO GOD.  AND IT MATTERS TO YOU.

I thought that my affect on the beach was nothing more than doing something good but it goes beyond that. It doesn't matter what it accomplished as long as I was obedient to what God called me to. Maybe it didn't clean up the whole beach but others saw me and that helps. Not because I want credit or glory, but because humanity notices that others still care and it makes them care. The other night, our team went out to eat at a little restaurant on the beach area before we three left. The waiter was friendly and engaged in some normal conversation before he said, 'I saw you cleaning up the beach the other day. Thanks."

                Amazing how the tings that are so simple to you can make people believe in humanity. Not saying that that is what happened but not saying that it didn't either. Here is the charge to those of you reading this. If each one of us decides to care and do something about things, then someone else will too. You are the start to something amazing and wonderful! Just do it. The difference between the young boy and the old man was this: perspective and hope. Get the right perspective and ask God for the hope. Because that man you visit in the hospital or the girl you comfort or that family that you raise, it matters to them. This is not a guilt trip. Too much of who we are is about doing doing doing instead of being. But God is also showing me that in the obedience of reacting to who He is, things change. And sometimes when life is so tiring and scary, it is just nice to know that someone walked where we are walking now.

           I have been wrestling with God a lot recently because He is so big and because He loves it. I feel like I wrestle more with Him than many others do, but only because He created me to wrestle with Him like that. Sometimes I am angry, yelling and kicking as I rush at Him and tangle myself in Him in a flurry of activity and fear. But always in the end, the picture I get is of a child and father, exhausted from a romp together laughing because it was meant for intimacy. So I continue to wrestle. I want intimacy.

       I read about a story of a young married woman who had a surgery to prevent some sort of cancer, and in the process, a nerve in her face was cut to ensure that disease could not spread. After the surgery she looked at the doctor and her husband in agony, pushing the mirror away disblief, asking if she would be this way forever.

     'Yes," said the doctor sadly, I'm afraid so."

      The woman could not muster the courage to look at her husband, but he did not seem to mind and slowly came over to her.

     "It's kinda cute," he said with a smile and they continued to talk for a moment. Then the husband reached down and kissed her softly on the lips, conforming his lips to hers.

     The other night I prayed with agony, telling God that I hate to feel that way, as an ackward lover always usure of how to act around Him. But it seems that God reminded me to relax and not worry for we are all unsure, but He will never gives cause to fret. His lips will reach down and find us as we are- twisted though we may be. How absurd huh? Yet true. The maker of heaven and earth kisses me and calls me son though I deserve punishment.

      Our team has felt that this month will different for us. We will be splitting up- three staying in Gordon's Bay to rest and to seek God in a quiet, intimate way, while three of us will be going off, ready to test our faith in His provision. Alissa, Amy and Lynette will be staying back to learn how to pray more, to seek God with the friends that we have made here and I am sure that they will find how God answers their prayers. Sarah, Leah and myself will be leaving on Tuesday to go up to Windhoek, Namibia and then from there to Livingstone, Zambia and possibly Zimbabwe. We want God to direct us and to remain open to how He works so we will not be trying to set up the ministry as much as finding where He wants us to join in with Him. Please continue to pray for us all and in particular for our bank card to arrive. A few weeks ago, it accidentally broke in half and so is now useless to use in an ATM. So we had to have our new card sent to an address in Pretoria, and then hopefully here, but we leave in two days. It is frustrating but I know that God works in that somehow too. Anyways, remember that who you are is not what you do. Our sonship and daughtership come from the King Almighty and our doing comes from our identity and not the other way around.

               We are resting. We are sitting above the ocean looking out across the Indian Ocean and listening for God's voice. Currently we are in Gordon's Bay, a suburb area of Cape Town, South Africa staying with some friends that we know and waiting on God to provide the rest. It has been amazing to just sit at the feet of God and not worry about the bustle of preparing the meal for awhile.

               Which leads me to the thoughts that gripped my heart recently. Can we be without doing? What is more important to God? If I spent two years of my life as a hermit on the top of a mountain, or somewhere in the desert doing nothing but listening for God and wrestling with myself- would that be ok? "Sure," we say, but then there are the looks from people. 'When will he settle down I wonder' or 'He needs to find a career' or even 'It only comes with hard work.' I'm sure that in their hearts it is meant well, to encourage, to exhort so that I won't fall into a state of laziness or complacency. But I have realized that we have looked at grace in a crazy way. Sure, it is free, but once you get it- you had better work to keep it. It is not that working is bad or wrong, in fact, it is admirable until it draws you away from seeing God. When your position becomes caught up in what you accomplish for God, or for the church or for your parents or yourself. Have I become so busy that I lose sight of the fact that God loves me just for me- warts and all, sin and all.

        We had a great conversation yesterday about homosexuals. The topic question became, 'Can you love a homosexual without trying to change them?' Some of you might be outraged, saying that homosexuality is a sin and should be corrected. I agree that it is a sin, but when did it become our job to fix someone? Do we not believe that the power to heal someone, to change someone comes from the Holy Spirit alone? Can I just love someone without trying to change them, so that if they ask my opinion then I can give it lovingly? Or what if they never ask my opinion- do I have the right to tell them that they are wrong? I used to say yes, it was my duty but I am not so sure. My duty is to listen to the prodding of the Holy Spirit to share or to speak, but too many times I just barge in, thinking that I know best, without praying for them or loving them so that they receive. Can the Holy Spirit change a person? YES! My job is to listen to the Father and obey when He tells me something.

        Like for instance, when a few of us went to the hospital in Swaziland. We arrived to the children's ward and it was crowded with moms and dads, family members whose job it was to take care of the child. See, in Swaziland, there is so much need that the doctors and nurses administer the medicine but it is the duty of the parent to take care of the child. That means that many of them were very hungry and tired-not able to leave for very long. So we were able to get some food for them and distribute it among them- which gave us the right to talk to them. Or did it? The ackwardness of death hung in the air like a plume of smoke and each attempt to speak to them meant inhaling and choking on it. God and religion seemed like they didn't belong there. The Almighty Creator and Sustainer of the Universe seemed too alive and too big for that room where death lived. I spoke about whatever I could and felt God say just love them. Pray for them and cry for them.  After I left, I heard that one of the babies died. How do you share with that woman that God is life-giving? I can't. But Jesus can move her heart. Lord make me listen to your words! Help me to settle down so that Imay stop doing in order to be- be your beloved son, be your delight, be worthy in your eyes without any accolades trying to buy your love. I am tired of false grace- a grace that tells me to shape up once I have recieved it, a grace that is void if you do not perform. I want real grace so that I may come to real fellowship with you, so that I can sit at the table of sinners and just eat with you. I love you Lord. Amen

By the way, thank you to all of you that wanted to contribute and did. Thank you to all of you that have prayed for me on this trip. Thank you to all of you for listening to the Lord as He directs you. If there is anything that I have learned on this trip, it is this- that God speaks to everyone for different places and different times to do different things. There is never a spirit of guilt and shame to accompany that. Listen to God even when it is different than what you want. Love you all.

I was broken.

I was poured out like a vessel of clay and thrown down on the rocks of Africa and shattered.
My faith, my beliefs were all rearranged because they were not all mine. I didn't own them. It was like this jar of clay was written on by all the people around me except God. So while in Mozambique it came crashing down.

I was burned out. I was broken down. I was tired, worn, sick of religion and frustrated with missions. And God looked at me and said, " Aah, now this is what I can work with."

Not that He can't work with me at any other place, but I feel like God loves the broken because there is not much to distract them away from Him. They stand naked before God, their souls exposed in an undignified and shameful way before their Creator, and He says simply, "I know you and I love you." I was there. I still am.

In Mozambique, most people from Squad B had their best month. There were many healings and signs, salvation had come in a mighty way and the Spirit was flowing through the group. But I was done. I wanted out. I spent my time away from the ministry because I felt like a fraud. I felt betrayed because I had done so much of my life for the approval of others. Or the approval of myself. I don't know which. But I know that this past month was critical for me and my walk. I pondered on whether to stay or go home.

Then God came to me when I was angry and said start over.

"Start over?!!" I yelled at Him, "I worked too hard to get here!"

"You're exactly right," He seemed to whisper with more strength than most men can yell with, " so stop trying." I have learned that I need to find what God is saying in all things and trust that He can provide. So I am staying on the Race. Most of you maybe did not know this, but now I am telling you. It is time to BE a son of the Most High King, not do. I will still be a part of the ministry and now I feel like I have something to offer the people that I talk with and speak to- brokenness. I can give you brokenness, full of sacrifice and trials, but it is real! I want the real life and I realize that many times the life in church is not real. When did ministry become instiutionalized? what happened to Jesus sitting with the prostitutes and tax collectors, just sharing life like they were sharing a meal. I want that. I am tired of pretending that I have it all together because I don't. I want realness and I want miracles and I want the biggest God that there is.

So now, I have decided to stay on the Race, but they have told me that my support is low. The money is running out. I had only about half raised by the time I left and now we have reached that halfway mark. And I hate asking for support. It seems to imply that I wasn't able to do it myself- that as a man, I should have been able to provide for myself. But brokenness does wonderful things for you. I don't care anymore if I look foolish- I will become even more undignified than this as David of the Old Testament said. I am not asking you for money even, I am asking God and want you to be my witness that it is up to Him to provide that money. If God owns the cattle on a thousand hills than I have no worries. As I heard from Chad one time, if it's God's will, then it's God bill. If I truly believe that God wants me on this Race, and I truly believe that He can provide then logically it should make sense that if God wants me on this Race then He will provide. But I do want your prayer. I want you to petition God on my behalf- that He would do what He wants with me.

Hello from Mozambique! Whoohoo! After a grueling 37-38 hour combined rides from South Africa we made it to the orphanage here in this beautiful country. We switched buses at about 9 in the evening in a place called Maputo, one of the craziest experiences and most dangerous on this trip thus far. We had hoardes of people crowding in on us as we tried to unload the bags, waiting to snatch one away if possible. In order to keep that from happening, we ended up taking the bags to a deserted island across the roadway to get away from everyone until we could arrange transportation to the next place- Dondo, Mozambique. But we made it alive and safe so praises to God Almighty- Lord of travel as well as everything else.

      THus far, it has been great to interact with the kids here, although limited since the national language is Portugese and some local tribal languages. This is the first time that I have not been able to really interact with the people very well because of language differences and it is killing me. It is hard to have to rely on others or just smile and nod and love them with your eyes. Luckily, the game of soccer is universal and the kids are great. We wrangled up a team of us foreigners and played the kids and won! It was a major upset and so we ended up losing the next game with some of the older kids, but we also put up a good fight. There are about 33 boys at the orphanage and they are beautiful and amazing boys, full of wonder and their heavenly Fathers looks. I am going to be sory to leave them.

       Tomorrow, we will be leaving to go deeper into Mozambique into the areas near the Zambezi River where the was much flooding and thousands of homes were destroyed and families displaced. We are loading up a 30 ton truck full of food and water and with a Brazilian missionary named Herbert, we will go into these desperate places to share hope. The food and water will quench their bodies, but we so desperately want their souls to be treated as well. Pray that GOd would open huge doors and touch many hearts these next few weeks.

       Also, we have had the opportunity to go and pray for some of the local people that are sick. One man had been sick for four months and was deathly ill. His body was shriveled up and he was as frail as I have ever seen a man. His eyes were yellow and the hollowness from the sickness amazed me. Me and Chris Telfer came early with the pastor and some of the Bible school students and we prayed over the man and sang over him, giving praises to God for His great work. They asked us to say something and I panicked. I opened up the Word and GOd pointed me right at the story of Lazarus. AMazing. I read some about how God uses all for HIs glory and prayed over Him. More of our group arrived and we spoke words of life and truth over this man. He is a Christian, but even still his family had gone to the witch doctor who had given them some sort of cocktail to put inside their house. We threw it away and prayed over the entire household. After that we went several other places, praying each time and then singing beautiful songs in Portugese and Masena. It is amazing here. BUt it is not over yet, so please pray about Gods direction and providence in these next few weeks. Praise be to God the Father who has chosen us, praise be to the Son who has redeemed us and praise be to the Spirit that has sealed us.

Hey all, sorry I have been missing on the blogside of things, but I am getting very frustrated with computers. I have tried at several places and times to post some blogs and it has not gone well, obviously. I have had a lot to say but unfortunately no outlet of it. So this must be very brief since the computer would not read my blog that I had typed up earlier on someone else's computer.

      It was very hard leaving Peru with all the wonderful memories and great friends that we have there, but God has called us forward. We ended up in Buenos Aires for one week where we found and worked with a church called Light to the Nations. The family of Pastor Nunez was wonderful and we worked hard helping the church with insulation and other odd jobs. We also got to hear a wonderful message from a visiting pastor from Cuba who explained that the people of Cuba were so desperate for the Gospel and were turning to Jesus for relief. We were able to talk to him afterwards and he said the greatest need was just for people to go visit and work. So I pray that someone reading this might feel that call to go to Cuba to work with the people there.

     We left Buenos Aires and flew for 15 very long hours to London, where we were able to disembark and sightsee for a day then got back on the plane to fly 12 hours to South Africa, where we are now. Very long trip and three continents in 48 hours, but God was gracious and we all survived. Now we are waiting for our visas to go to Mozambique to help with relief work from recent floodings that displaced thousands. Please pray that God would use us in mighty ways to accomplish His work and His glory. After Mozambique, it sounds like we are going to Swaziland for two weeks for training and then in Botswana, which I have heard is one of the hardest places to share the Gospel, so pray for the softening of the soil there. After that we come back to South Africa and work here for a month. But during this next month, I will not have much access to computers and internet as far as we know, so I might be a little silent once again. But the work is continuing so praise God in all things. Thanks for all your support and encouragement. I love you guys!